Life Thoughts

When You Don’t Know What You’re Doing With Your Life

July 29, 2015

Alone Photo: pexels.com


I’M STUCK. I’m worthless. I’m nothing.

These are probably words that come out of your mouth, or at least you’re thinking, right now. There is a reason you clicked on this link. There is a reason to everything, they say. But at this moment, it seems like life itself is unreasonable, like in one blink of an eye, you’re gone and you haven’t done anything for the world to remember. Well, let me tell you that you are reading this right now probably not only just for a reason, but you were kind of hoping someone is out there feeling the same way you do. You came in the right site, I’m here for you… and with you. Because these past few days, I’ve also been feeling that way. Feeling like you have a lot of more to do but you’re stuck doing the same thing everyday without even maybe making a mark in this world. Or at the very least, changing yourself for the better or doing something you’re happy at.

“So in those moments I get lost in the world and drowned in my thoughts, I may have questioned why I’m even here, but I will always keep in mind that I deserve more. I am worth more.”

I’m not here to give you solutions to this saddening feeling we have in our chest. I’m here to give you company because right at this very moment, I also might be needing one. And to tell you frankly, these past few days, there are random times in the day where I stare at blank spaces and for a second, right there, I question my entire existence in this pathetic, messy world. Have you experienced that? I’m not hoping you haven’t because it sucks but if ever you have, please tell yourself that you’re not alone. I’m here. And there may be thousands of other people out there who get to undergo this feeling and there are a lot more other worse cases than we have. But please realize that it’s not just You and I here, there’s an Us out there even in the most hidden corners of the world. Because God made Adam first and Eve next. Would he have survived the world alone with all the rich resources he had but no one to cry with, no one to talk with, and no one to exist with? You see, we live in this cruel world that we  ambitiously hope to change even the smallest parts of it. So we need someone. To cry with. Talk with. Breathe with. Exist with. Live with.

So in those moments I get lost in the world and drowned in my thoughts, I may have questioned why I’m even here, but I will always keep in mind that I deserve more. I am worth more. And yes, I feel stuck, but I knew I had to keep going in order to further see where I’m headed. I live to seek evidences of why I deserve more and why I am worth more. I live to find those moments that would make me realize why I even kept going. And I opt to make my future self tell my past self that “it’s all worth it now.” I breathe to see the real smile in the face of the girl in front the mirror telling herself that “she’s enough” and that “she’s loved”. I struggle to carry on with life to see my mother proudly hugging me as I’ve reached the dreams we both had and the dreams she gave up to make me reach mine. I live to feel those arms of the man who I loved so much, and loved me back as much, as he cuddled with me in bed and whispered in my ears “i love you” in the most ticklish, affectionate way. I exist to dream and be alive.

Because right now, it may be hard to  discover what purpose is there for this kind of life we are having, but knowing everything shall pass, we choose to fight. We choose to go on with life with braveness in our hearts and hope in our mind. We choose to risk it all for all the uncertainties the future hold. And finally, we choose to breathe, not because we don’t have a choice, but because we choose not only to live, but be alive.

So if, at this juncture, you feel like you’re not going anywhere, know that you are. Because even at the deepest dreams of our sleep, we get to become something, we get to go somewhere. I told you I’m not here for answers to this problematic feeling because all I’m telling you is what I’m feeling and sometimes, I believe in mine as I do in God. I know and I feel that by being inspired of the future we want, we become something not even close from being stuck, worthless, and nothing.

All the love,

Myrra

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